This is Who I am.

New year, new me?  Nope.  This is the same ‘ol me, just trying to adjust my attitude a bit.  Let me take ya back a bit, like 25 some years back.  I was the girl in elementary school that was always overweight.  (I guess I enjoyed my mashed potatoes a bit too much; my mom was one hell of chef)!! Anyway, I don’t blame my parents for my being overweight (however at one point in my life I did—just being honest).  Middle school was even worse.  I was even heavier.  I dreaded gym class because I was always the last one to be chosen for the team game that day. I was the last place in the mile run, I was never able to do a pull up my entire damn career in school.  I could never wear the trendy clothes my friends had because they didn’t make them in my size.  These are things I remember.  I also vividly remember a boy I liked in middle school (who I thought liked me back) was talking to his friends about how he would never go out with me because I was so fat (yeah, that was a great conversation to overhear).

So there ya go, insecurity hell.  I still to this day will NEVER forget those moments in school.  I can’t.  I could go on and on about my weight insecurities.  When I met my high school sweetheart (the one I ended up marrying too), I often wondered why he loved me when I was overweight.  Why didn’t he want to be with some other girl who was a size 2 or 4?  My boyfriend (now husband) has been the best damn thing in my life that has ever happened to me.  He has never once said any negative thing to me (well besides the fact that I spend too much money on clothing, shoes, handbags, jewelry…..), but you get the point.  My parents too, they were both so unbelievably supportive.  Even my sister who was much more slender than I during school and so much more of an athlete and more popular, well she was never, not once, anything but supportive of me.

Fast forward to me now, age 37, mother of 4, wife, occupational therapist, blogger (just a few of my roles).  Well this woman wants to try and stop thinking about all that damn negativity.  I am doing my best to raise 3 daughters in this world (and one toddler son too, lol)….. I have decided in this world of negativity I am going to celebrate me.  I am not a size 2 or 4 or even a 6.  I am a size 12.  I am pretty sure my BMI is off the charts for my height and weight, but I lead a healthy lifestyle, exercise at least 3-4 times a week, and I am probably the happiest I have been in my life.  Blogging has definitely played a role in that too. I absolutely love writing these posts and sharing my fashion and style and beauty deals with you, my friends, my followers!!

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I was a size 4 about seven years ago.  I was exercising 6 days a week, over an hour each day, eating barely over 900 calories, and I was MOODY as ever.  I remember at one low point in my life actually yelling at my daughters who were much younger at the time to leave me alone, I didn’t have time to play with them because I needed to exercise.  It brings tears to my eyes as I write this.  That day sucked.  (now it seems like social media plays a role in a lot of my life too, but if my kids ever said they needed me to help them or do something with them I most definitely would—-my phone may or may not be within reach however–need to work on that too).

But anyway, back to my point of this post.  I am not sure which light bulb triggered in my head this year or why I all of a sudden decided this is the year to celebrate myself, but I’m gonna roll with it.  I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror, and for the most part, liking what I see (hey now, its a step right, I’m not changing overnight)!!??  I have been praying more to ask God for support and praying to my mom up in heaven to give me the support I need as well.  (insert tears here too, because my mom was killed by a drunk driver 7 years ago, and I can’t even begin to explain the sadness and emptiness I feel without her, but that’s a whole other post).  So, I’m just letting all my followers and readers and friends know that this new and improved me is here to stay I hope, I am trying my best at least.

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I  would absolutely love to connect with you guys out there.  I love reading your comments and my new Instagram friends I have made over this last year or two have become a huge asset in my personal growth as well.  I read each and every one of your DM’s you send me, I read my blog post comments, I read my FB posts, so keep them coming.  Share this post with others who may need to read it too.  Talk to your children who may be struggling in school with the issue I had and keep open communication with them.  This post is not a “How To Make Yourself Happier” post, I just wanted to share with you Who I Am and give you a little history and maybe you too can identify a bit with my PAST struggles.  (now don’t get me wrong, when I zip up those damn pants at a certain retailer I wanted in my “regular” size and they don’t fit….hell yeah I get pissed.  But then I just come home and google where I can find a similar pair at another retailer and hope for the best.

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Last words of wisdom:  Our family has the opportunity to eat dinner together every night and this is a no device time where we all connect and talk about our day.  I love this time.  We laugh, we share stories of our day, we mostly eat good food I try and prepare, and ya know what, sometimes we get mad at each other too.  But at no time do we put each other down, NEVER. That is not tolerated in this house.   I encourage you to think more positively.  You may see some of my newest instagram photos have been selfies with me smiling big like the ones above.  Well, now ya know a bit more why.  So, as always, thanks for reading.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post.  Are these “real life” posts ones you enjoy reading or would you rather have me stick to fashion/beauty posts, maybe a mix of both?

xoxo

Nicole

**Want to shop my looks above**

-yellow suede jacket can be found here (Use code NICOLE15 for 15% off their site too)

-royal blue sweater can be found here

-striped fuzzy sweater can be found here

-wrap bracelet can be found here

-white & gold earrings can be found here

**And, if you’re in the market for new extensions, find them here and use my code NICOLE for $5 off your order!!!

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37 thoughts on “This is Who I am.

  1. If you haven’t shared that story, I wouldn’t know you were very insecure! It sure does’t show! I’m very impressed about how well you have handled your inner battles, and kudos to your husband and family for being so sweet and essential to your growth. Your story is so inspiring and I wish you’d touch more lives like you did to me. Wonderful spirit!

    ~ xo Sheree
    PoshClassyMom.com

    1. Sheree this is so very sweet of you to say! It has been a constant battle for sure, one that I’m ready to wave the white flag too and just move on! I need to focus on being positive for my family too!!

  2. Wooo girl preaching to the choir with this post! I have been considered overweight most of my life… especially when I was younger! And I never dressed very cute and had glasses! But it takes a lot to revisit those years and talk about it openly, so I totally commend you for that!
    I love seeing personal posts that are so relatable!

    1. Thank you Denise! I have never been very open about sharing these types of things before, but blogging has certainly helped me more! Those rough years have made me who I am today!!

  3. So nice to get to know more about you – thank you for sharing! You are beautiful on the inside and out, and don’t ever think otherwise. I admire your confidence!

  4. You are such an inspiration my friend! And I know your daughters are looking up at you and so proud to have you as their mom. I think you look beautiful and your even more beautiful that you are giving your children a positive and healthy outlook.

  5. I love you Nicole! I can’t wait to meet you in person one day! We are sistahs!!! I wish I could take away the pain you felt in your younger years. It makes me so sad. I too felt ostracized but for different reasons. Nonetheless, it still affects you as an adult. But, the beautiful thing is look at us NOW! We are rocking it as a mama, wife, and business owners! Wishing you continued success in all you do! Your husband sounds like a sweetheart! I can’t wait to meet him as well and your children are such blessings and blessed to have you as their mother! And your mama is smiling down upon you! Proud of you! You are beautiful inside and out!
    xo Debbie | http://www.tothineownstylebetrue.com

  6. There are things that happened to me in middle school that still affect me too, so I can relate. You are so inspiring and I love that you are happy where you are now in your life! Thank you for sharing this with us. ❤️

  7. It’s amazing how our thoughts about ourselves can impact those in our lives. As someone who struggled with a severe eating disorder, and still struggles with body dysmorphia, I can absolutely say I understand the challenges you’ve faced, even if I never was overweight. We can have this negative view of ourselves that makes us believe we need to be something else – something … MORE. And then we shut out everyone around us until we achieve that. I’m so glad you’re in a better place, with a more positive mindset. And I’m really thankful that you’ve only ever had supportive people in your life to help you get there!

  8. Wow Nicole, I had no clue. You always put off such a positive and uplifting vibe that I never sensed insecurities. I love how you’ve been able to overcome all this and now embrace it (especially since we as bloggers are constantly putting pictures of ourselves on the internet for everyone to scrutinize). You go girl!!!!!

  9. You are so inspiring Nicole! I would have never thought you went through this growing up and I know life isn’t fair sometimes but I truly believe things happen for a reason. You have came along way for yourself and have accomplished a lot especially with your blogging journey! You look amazing in this blue choker sweater and love your hair❤️ xo

  10. I loved this post and how real you were beautiful lady! As someone who has struggled with body image issues throughout my life I can definitely relate and now that my body has changed so much from my pregnancy – it’s taken me so long to get use to! Such an inspiring post and the fact that you’re a mother of 4 wows me even more!!!

    Helen xx

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